so today at lunch, my cousins and i were sitting at the same table… we were all finished eating and stuff and there was this bowl of melted chocolate ice cream. my cousin, nicole put soy sauce in it.. then i put some daisy petals in… then someone said to nicole “i’ll pay you if you drink that”… then we had to make it even more disgusting by adding calamari (spelling?) and some chicken (with some feathers still on it.. GROSS) in the … thing. she actually drank it… when she did everyone was just so grossed out. I think she got 9 dollars for doing that.. then they were like i’ll give 20 dollars to whoever eats the calamari that was soaked in the chocolate ice cream. no one did it… bleh. i was going to cause i needed the money, but then i thought that i would hurl and it wouldn’t be pretty.

I went to work that day cause they wouldn’t have any help for the rest of the week… and i wanted the extra money. they let me leave early since they packed up the eob books for moving. i call my dad, he picks me up and we go to the hospital. We get there and my mom is sleeping in the chair thing. we let her sleep for a while and then we try to wake her up to let her know that we’re here. she barely responded. then the nurse came in with food and my dad was like, “I don’t think she can eat. look at her. she’s so tired.” I figured she was just really tired. then the nurses tried to put her back in her bed, but she couldn’t stand. when they picked her up again she vomited. then the nurses made us wait in the waiting room and then my aunt, cousin, and neice came. like 30 minutes later it was ok to go in. my dad, aunt and cousin went and i took care of brianna. my cousin came back and told me that she vomited again. that’s when i went in to check up on her. then all of a sudden the nurses came in and made us wait in the waiting room again. they did a cat scan on her cause she wasn’t responding to anything now. they wouldn’t let us in the icu and i just watched all these doctors and nurses around my mom. in a way, i sorta saw her die. when we got the tests back the doctor talked to the nurse and my dad in the conference room. i was watching the doctors in the icu… they opened the doors, looked at me, and walked down the hallway without even saying anything to me. then the doc that was talking to my dad in the conference room left and looked at me. i went into the conference room and my aunt and dad were crying. my dad never cries so i just knew that something was wrong. my aunt hugged me and went “your mom is going.”. my stupid response? “going where?”. Something happened to the vessels in her brain, her blood pressure just went up, and she had a “stroke” or a “brain spasm”. so she was just lying there, still alive, but brain dead. there was more after this… but i don’t really remember any of it.

i am exhausted. i dont really know what day it is. saturday. it doesn’t seem like saturday. my mom is ok now. she had the surgery and whatnot… but she’s so disoriented. she’s remembering weird things that happened a long time ago and mixing them with things that happened a few years ago. she was telling my aunt how her high school teacher gave me money or something. it was really scary to see her like that. then as the day went on she got better. she remembered about my france trip and when i told her that the money was lost she said “YOU LOST THE MONEY?!”. i had to calm her down and tell her that the 95 dollars we paid for the application fee wouldn’t be given back to us. she actually forgot that we have a house. my aunt was telling her about it. the house number, the street and town and she was like “We don’t have a house. What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? We live in an apartment.” That was like 14 or 15 years ago when i was still 1 years old. … and i don’t know how long she’s going to be like this. she actually thought i was still 15 when i first got there. it’s so scary to see her this way. someone said that she has to go to therapy also to help that whole memory thing.

meanwhile, the marking period’s going to end and i have to do all this make up work and junk. and then it took us almost 30 minutes to find the stupid checkbooks to pay the bills.

my mom is in the hospital. brain hemmorage? i dunno. i heard surgery. it’s tomorrow. i HATE THIS!!! THIS PAST YEAR HAS BEEN A LIVING HELL. ESPECIALLY THESE LAST 4 MONTHS. i’m not even going to see her before she has her surgery tomorrow… see what a horrible kid i am? i’m too scared to go back to the fucking hospital. i spent about 7 hours there… i hate being at hospitals…… i’m not even at home right now. my grandparents are home with my dad. i shouldn’t be here.. i should be at home, but what the hell am i going to do there? i dont know what i’m going to do anymore. i have like 10,000 things to do for school this weekend and — ugh. i gotta finish this post.. i’ve got a headache from crying.